


In Spite of Your Heart

by DaughterofProspero



Category: Much Ado About Nothing - Shakespeare, SHAKESPEARE William - Works
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Love Confessions, Loyalty, POV First Person, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5854165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterofProspero/pseuds/DaughterofProspero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love<br/>indeed, for I love thee against my will."</p>
<p>IV.i<br/>The duet between Beatrice and Benedick after the disastrous wedding from Beatrice's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Spite of Your Heart

“ _Lady Beatrice have you wept all this while?_ ”

Oh God. Oh, not you. Not you, not now.

I’ve been sitting here in a heap, crying into my fists for the past I don’t know how long and you’ve just been standing here all this time. I can’t do this. Not now, not while everything is wrong.

“ _Yea and I shall weep a while longer_ ”

Unparalleled eloquence there, really…but I don’t need to be Plato I just need you to fuck off, _please_ , just leave me be. But your footsteps are coming closer.  What are you doing? If you think I’m gonna look at you, you have another thing coming—

“ _I will not desire that._ ”

Oooooooooh Gooooooooood whyyyyyyyyyyy

You are the last thing I need right now.

_“You have no reason I do it freely.”_

I can feel you standing next to me. You are right next to me and…it’s nice; _you_ are…nice…I can’t be happy about this now, don’t make this about you, or…us…not after this debacle, not in a fucking _church_ …

_“Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.”_

Why are you making it so hard for me to be mad at you?

It would be great if you could convince your army buddies of the same thing…you might be the only one who can. You were there for our plan, you helped save her life...Goddamnit I can’t stake everything on you. Even as I think it I’m saying something else. Nothing is right today.

“ _Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!_ ”

“ _Is there any way to show such friendship?_ ”

Besides shanking the sunofabitch? You wouldn’t, you couldn’t.

I have to get myself together, stop standing so close to me.

 “ _A very even way but no such friend_.”

“ _May a man do it?_ ”

I know where you’re going with this and it’s ending here. I am going to go now. I will pick myself up off this fucking alter, I will put one foot in front of the other until I am out the door, and I will comfort my cousin.

“ _It is a man’s office, but not yours_.”

If that doesn’t get the point across I don’t know what will.

Unfortunately, I forgot to factor in that getting up means I have to look at you. And I’m _really_ wishing I didn’t have to because my heart’s in my throat now and I swear I’m getting butterflies. Wow, really? Now? Literally all I have to do is turn my head and walk away but Ursula and Hero (God, Hero…) are snickering in my head and I am remembering _things_ at a very not ideal time…

It’s so quiet. It should be weird that I’m just staring at you and you’re staring at me but it’s not.

Your eyes are very…wide. When you’re upset. Or…nervous? You think _you’re_ on tenterhooks, you have no idea…

You _should_ be upset but, I wish you weren’t making me feel badly for you right now—

“ _I do love nothing in the world so well as you, is not that strange?_ ”

Well fuck me, I’ve caught the Benedick.

I am so inappropriately happy. Jesus, I feel like smiling, I _am_ smiling and you look so comically jumpy if we weren’t where we are I would be laughing.

Say something, Beatrice. Fuck it, say something don’t let this go again, don’t…

No. Actually, don’t let on just yet. Hero. Got to get to Hero. I sound like a bit of an idiot and now you’re laughing, great. But I can’t, Benedick, I can’t it’s all fine and well for you so spout flowery whatevers, what have you got to lose?

_“By my sword Beatrice thou lovest me.”_

Oh, good, personal pronouns!

But I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…

_“Do not swear and eat it”_

Not again.

Now we’re just going back and forth, it’s almost like we used to but…you’re waiting on me. I have to give you an answer and we both know what it is, but you’re gonna make me say it. Why am I so happy?

_“I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.”_

There. I said it.

We are giggling and smiling like morons. I want to enjoy this, I don’t know what I’m feeling – well, I do – I just need to process this. This is the last thing I need but I believe you, Benedick, I believe you.

_“Then bid me do anything for thee.”_

And everything comes crashing back. We were in our own little bubble for a while there but now we’re back at square one. Almost. Maybe…maybe square two. I am holding your hand, it feels wonderful, and if this is the last time I do it I will memorize every line on your palm.

_“Kill Claudio.”_

I see you hear it and I stop breathing.

_“Ha! Not for the wide world.”_

Everything is wrong again. And red. I rip my hand out of yours and I hope I scratched you, I hope it scars, I hope you think of me every time you see it. I trust you, _again_ , I confide in you, _again_ , I make a fool of myself _again_ and you…you laugh at me.

I am running for the door and you think you can stop me, I am burning, I could kill a thousand Claudio’s and you think you can stop me with words. Or not just words, I am wincing because your hand is on my arm, you’re faster than I am, you’re slowing me down but soldier or not right now I am stronger.

Don’t touch me.

_“We’ll be friends first”_

Friends? You would call me a friend? You would…

I am boiling over, I am a volcano, I am a tidal wave, I am everything angry, you are the last thing I need right now and you are in my way.

The walls are screaming my words back to me and I love it. I am delivering a sermon for one and I hope you get the message loud and clear

Beatrice 1:1 – Fuck you, fuck everything.

All of you Counts and Princes and soldiers and ass-licking idiots, you wouldn’t know what to fight for if it slapped you in the face…

I feel you near me again and I whirl around fist raised, ready to deck you…you…you catch my wrist. I’m shaking I’m tensing I will not drop it I will not lose…

But I am so tired. I am so, so tired I could sleep for a week if only there wasn’t work to be done that you’re too afraid to do…but I can’t. Not me. Not allowed.

My arm goes limp and I collapse into your chest, curling into, you wishing everything away but the smell of your clothes and your voice in my ear. I’m crying again and I don’t care. I just don’t care.

The you say the magic words. You say you’ll do it. You’ll challenge he who shall not be named. I’m too tired to fight anymore. I am clinging to you.

You remove me after a while and I want to say thank you but I’ve lost my words again. You kiss my hand. I die a little. In a good way. And then you’re gone.

It’s getting late. I really do need to head back. Hero needs me.

And I…

In spite of everything…I need you.

The last thing I need, and the last hope I have.

Godspeed, Signior.

**Author's Note:**

> Bit of an experiment.  
> I just...God, I just really love Beatrice. And Benedick. And them together. But like...Beatrice. Y'know?  
> Beatrice.  
> As per usual, things in quotes and italics are direct lines from the play.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
